Dear Annie: I feel unseen carrying the mental load in my marriage

Dear Annie: My husband is a wonderful man in many ways, but lately I feel more like the household manager than his wife. We both work full time, yet somehow I am still the one remembering birthdays, scheduling appointments, keeping track of the groceries, planning family events and noticing when something around the house needs to be done. If I ask for help, he usually does it, but only after I bring it up. He says I should just “tell him what I need,” but I am tired of always being the one who has to notice, remember and delegate everything.

I do not think he means to be insensitive, but I am starting to feel resentful and unseen. When I try to explain it, he says I am overreacting or “keeping score.” I love my husband, but I do not want to spend the rest of my life feeling like the family’s unpaid project manager. How do I get him to understand that the mental load is real and that I need a true partner, not just someone who waits for instructions? -- Overextended and Overwhelmed