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A note from the editor: Alexis and Robert Lee were first featured in You Had Me at Hello in February 2021. Now that the Lees are celebrating 50 years of marriage, we checked in to learn more about their secret to long-lasting love.
By Mia Watkins | For the Birmingham Times
Alexis & Robert Lee
Married: June 26, 1976
Live: Pelham, Alabama
Happily ever after 50 years later: Alexis Lee said she could always picture herself and her husband, Robert, on their golden anniversary.
“If you asked me if I was going to make it to 50, I would tell you, ‘yeah,’” Alexis said. “When I got married, I got married as a commitment that this is going to last. I didn’t even think about it not lasting after five years, and I’m going to be out. I never looked at it that way. I looked at it as we were committed to each other. We didn’t count the years; when it comes, it comes.”
The two initially met in Detroit in 1973, where their families were acquainted. Robert picked Alexis up from a barbershop after she got a haircut while visiting her cousins.
“He brought me back to my cousin’s house and asked me if I was going out that night because I had gotten a haircut,” she told The Birmingham Times in 2021. “I said,’ No,’ and he asked me if I wanted to go out with him, so we did. We went to Flaming Embers, which no longer exists, in Detroit. Anyone who can take you out for steak on a first date, that’s a good thing.”
That first date was the shape of things to come.
Eventually, the two got married at First Baptist Church in the Ensley neighborhood of Birmingham, the same church where Alexis’ parents and grandparents celebrated 50 years of wedded bliss.
“I was there for both of those,” she said. “Even though I thought it was an accomplishment and a milestone, I never thought that one day that’s going to be us.”
Fifty years later, the two renewed those vows at the same church. The Lees said time has flown for them.
“To me, after you make that first one, you’re happy and excited,” she said. “Then, you take those five years, that 10 years, and before you know it, you’re at 25. It’s like taking laps around, you’re not focused on how many you’re going to do. You’re focused on getting around. To me, marriage is making sure you complete those laps and not try to count how many years and how many days. Before you know it, everything that you are doing in your life with your family, having children and children going to school and you going to work every day, the time just goes by.”
Robert, a man of few words, agrees.
“When you get married and start having kids, you focus on your kids,” he said. “Then, you go to a job. The time just keeps rolling and rolling.”
Looking back, Alexis said that she wishes someone had told her that marriage is about choosing your partner every day.
“Choosing this person, this is the person that every day of your life, you’re going to be with that person,” she said. “With your friends, you see them here and there or you might talk to them. Even family, you don’t see every day. In terms of your spouse, that is the person that you choose. That is the person that you are going to be with every day of your life, even when life is not easy.”
Robert insists that a long-lasting marriage is built on respect.
“If you respect her and she respects you, things go really easily after that,” he said. “Nobody told me that, but I learned that on my own. You have to respect what she says and does and hope she respects what you say and do.”
Respect doesn’t always mean agreement, Alexis added.
“Sometimes you say,’ I don’t know, we’re not doing that,’ or you may say,’ Oh, that sounds like a great idea,” she said. “Everything is not etched in stone, and you have a book you can go through and read and say, ‘Ok, now it says this and right now that says that.’ You have to talk things out and know that, as Robert said, to have respect for each other and have respect that your person is helping you make the right decision.”
Alexis and Robert Lee married in June 1976, and recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. (Provided)Words of wisdom: Robert said that it helps to have some of the same interests as your spouse. That includes being aligned in faith.
“We’re both Christians, and we both are members of the same church,” he said. “Every Sunday morning, we go to church together.”
For Alexis staying power is found in a person’s mindset.
“You have to know that you’re going to stay with this person,” she said. “You don’t focus on something happening, and all of a sudden, you’re ready to leave. You’re willing to say that I’m not going to go through this. If you don’t work at it, you’re not going to make it to 50 years.”
She said growing together is a process.
“To me, growing together means you have to have some idea of who can do one thing and who can do the other thing, and you’re OK with that person doing it,” she said.
When their two daughters were young, Alexis made the decision on where their children went to school.
“We had the agreement about their education, but I was the one who took it a step further,” she said. “It’s like building on each other, it’s like building blocks. He might be the one who says, ‘Ok, where are we going on vacation?’ and I would say, ‘We have to look at the budget.’ And, he would be the person who’d say that he would get the money together. It’s like a compliment. It’s like ketchup and mustard on a hamburger.”
Now that they’re retired, Alexis keeps busy with meetings and social engagements, while Robert is content at home.
“He supports me in that,” she said. “He’s not that person who says, ‘Oh, you’re going again?’ I’ve had people say to me that they can’t go anywhere. You have to understand that there’s a time to go and there’s a time to stay at home as well. He supports me because he knows that I’m the get-up-and-go person. And, he says, ‘OK, what time are you coming back? What do you want for dinner?’”
Alexis said that newer couples sometimes don’t focus on the road ahead, and Robert agrees.
“It’s a big difference when you’re dating and when you really live together,” Robert said. “People don’t understand that things pop up. When you’re dating, everybody’s trying to be perfect, and it just doesn’t work when you start living together. Somebody’s got to do the dishes, somebody’s got to do the laundry and somebody’s got to cook.”
Overall, the Lees have the same love that they’ve had for the past 50 years. One thing that Robert still does for her is make weekend breakfast. In turn, Alexis does his laundry for him.
“To some people, they would go like, ‘What?”, she said. “But, I know, no matter what, when we get up on the weekend, breakfast will be cooked for me and on my plate in front of me on Saturday and Sunday mornings. I’m used to that. He doesn’t have to do that, but he does that for me.”
Their love has also served as a blueprint for their daughters, Jauan and Jamesa. Alexis calls Robert the original ‘girl dad.’ Robert was deeply involved in the girls’ upbringing. From combing hair to acting as a chauffeur for sports to sacrificing a new car so they could get brand new cars, he showed them how they should be treated, according to Alexis.
“I think, secretly, our oldest daughter watches her dad and has those expectations not only from her husband but her two sons,” she said. “She ended up having the boys. She’ll say, ‘Well, Daddy would do so and so’ or ‘I remember Daddy would do this for us, and Daddy would do that.’ I think she quietly instills that in her husband’s head about what his father-in-law does.”
All in all, Alexis and Robert have stayed the same people who they were when they exchanged vows.
“We’re us,” she said. “We’re the same us that we were 50 years ago.”
Golden celebration: For their vow renewal the Lees had a family friend, Rev. Larry Byron Woodruff, officiate the ceremony, which was followed by a dinner reception at Reflections at the Cedars for 125 guests.
“We’re not making it a wedding,” Alexis said the day before the celebration. “We’re not doing bridesmaids and all of that. We’re just going to reaffirm our vows that we made to each other 50 years ago. We’re not exchanging new rings, we’re using our same rings that we got married in. We’re just going to have those rings blessed by Rev. Larry.”
The following day, they had a mini family reunion.
“We have people coming from Miami, Detroit, Ohio, and Atlanta,” she said. “A lot of our family, we haven’t seen them in a couple of years. We’re really looking forward to everybody coming.”
Alexis said she’s looking forward to looking back on their marriage as they celebrate this milestone.
“It’s almost like a story that we can look back on,” she said. “We were looking back at our old photo album and looking at the people who we know are no longer with us, and I feel like they would be so proud. My mom would just be beaming to know that I had made it to 50 years. I’m just looking forward to thanking God for blessing us and bringing us as far as you have brought us. And, hopefully, we can say thank you for everything He’s done and everything we know he will continue to do for us.”
